“You are totally out of your league. You gotta leave, now!”
This is what was playing in my head as soon as I watched the other ladies hit. I had agreed to go play volleyball with my friend. Neither of us knew what we were going to find when we got to Bear Lake gym. Well, we found players - like - playa players.
The voice just continued playing over and over as my body got tight, my heart beat fast, and I began to squirm inside.
“You aren’t good enough. Did you see that set? You can’t set like that. Wowzer. That was an insane angle. You can’t hit like that. They must have all played college, for sure. You didn’t even play in high school. Oh, they are using all that fancy volleyball lingo. Do you even know what she just said?”
Panic.
Now, lucky for me, I was well into my current reading selection, a sports psychology book. And, fortunately I had just finished the chapter on negative self talk right before I left for this sporting excursion. In “This is Your Brain on Sports”, by David Grand, Ph.D. and Alan Goldberg, Ed.D. negative talk is painted in a whole new light, and it makes sense. It isn't negative vs positive, or good vs evil.
“Rather that adopt an adversarial relationship with this part of us, we need to learn to respond to it in a more curious, relaxed, and accepting manner. Our so-called 'negative' self-talk is not the voice of the enemy. It is instead the voice of a friend... looking out for our well-being and is trying to keep us safe...
In traditional sports psychology, the athlete is encouraged to battle with the negativity and replace it with “positive self-talk.” But, when we try to subvert the inner critic, it returns with even greater force. This is usually manifested in our bodies as increased anxiety, lack of coordination, and the freeze response…[This] is the final stage in the critic’s takeover. The message is clear; ‘You didn’t listen. You’ve left me with no other alternative than to shut you down!’
Perhaps the first step the athlete can take is to just simply listen to the chatter from an outside 'observer’s stance' and not judge or evaluate what he or she hears. Do not fight with this part of the self; just notice what it is saying. This observer stance will feel very different to the critic in you and will eventually take some of the steam out of its attack.” (pg.147-149)
So, I listened to my inner critic. She had some really good points. But, instead of fighting with my usual, "Go away. I don't need this negativity right now. I gotta prove myself." I simply agreed with her and asked for suggestions. She said to hustle and work. No one can fault hustle and hard work.
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