Saige Says Stuff

I told Collin, “I just wasn’t ready to take on the commitment yet, okay.” He has been asking why Flynn isn’t potty trained for half of a year now. I don’t know, ya know. I was just procrastinating. I had a routine, I was comfortable, I am pregnant, and it has been hard. I really struggled with some emotional and mental health issues the first trimester, and some of those demons were creeping their way back. I kept telling myself. “I am too tired. I am too awkward. I am fighting my own battles. I can’t help Flynn with this right now. I just can’t do it. It is too much.” The last time I went to Wal-mart, I didn’t get any diapers. I got some pull-ups and underwear instead. My motivation came from not wanting two kids in diapers. I was so skeptical of being able to stay sane and tackle this. I felt mostly hopeless. (Some of that is just pregnancy hormones. I like to blame them for everything wrong lately.) I didn’t start that day though. I got scared. The next day we began. He peed ev...

Six weeks ago and some I gave birth to my beautiful son, Flynn. It was an experience. That is it, an experience. I wish that I could say it was wonderful and enlightening... blah blah. I also wish that I could have taken pictures right after and looked like “no big deal” I just had a baby. Of course we see pictures on facebook of ladies in the hospital after they have given birth, they are happy, look great… well of course they do! They took that picture with the intent of putting it on facebook. We only show the best to all our facebook friends. Here is my story, a real story of labor. First off, I went a week over. I think we all secretly hope for our baby to surprise us and come a few days early. (I would like to take a quick break to point out: waiting a little while longer is okay. I think of my friends who have had babies come dangerously early, and I would wait an extra 2 months rather than have my baby before it is a good and safe time.) I was scheduled to be induced on th...

One year done! And, might I add, we are doing great! The last year has flown by. I guess it has been good then. Time flies when you are having fun. I did find myself a little jealous of the weather today. It was sunny and nice - for December - and when I got married it was like 5 degrees and bitter cold. I told Collin we ought to go back and do it again. JK. I am thankful for the opportunity God blessed me with to marry, Collin. He is a blessing in my life, and he completes me in all the right ways. We make a great team! I am excited for all the years to come. I graduated! This is kind of like big deal. I graduated with a BS in Family Science with a Human Development emphasis. So, what is that really? I have gotten this question a few times. First of all, it isn't a Home Economics degree. I did not take any sewing or cooking classes. I took classes about humans and how we develop with in a family. I will give some example, Socialization Across Childhood, Adolescent Development,...

Today I celebrate my one year anniversary from the day I said, “Yes.” My adventure to my engagement day was exactly that, an adventure. Our relationship wasn’t what you would call ideal or smooth sailing. We went through a lot… both of us. It seemed at any given time through our friendship and courtship (no one uses that word anymore, right?) we were never on the same page. We worked pretty hard to keep our relationship alive. I remember being told by guys in my ward to walk away. Walk away from Collin. I appreciate their advice and opinion on the matter, but it wasn’t really their call to make. I can’t say I didn’t think about it. There was heartbreak, disappointment, and uncertainty. But, it was my choice. I chose, Collin. I hate those stories, where someone prays if they should get married and then they just know. " He was the one. She was the one. I knew it with every fiber of my being ." They are lucky, like really. I prayed and prayed, and you know the answ...

I remember my love of tank tops and shorty shorts. I loved cutting off those old pants into summer shorts. But, I have come to learn there is a place for these. It is called the beach. Granted, I have recently come upon a “physically restricting” modesty standard. The lines are drawn. And, I really appreciate it. I am not perfect at this modesty thing. And, I certainly wasn't any better up to this point. But, I am trying. I have an honest desire to be better, because I know I should be. I have found that all the women I truly admire, like really truly think are amazing, have been modest women. There is a difference… between, “Yah. She is way cool and fun. I really like her.” And, “Wow. That is a women a want to be like. There is something about her.” That something is called confidence. That something is called integrity. That something is called courage. That something is called a testimony of divine nature. I remember making a goal after attending a stake confere...

It is almost 2 A.M. I am, maybe, going to sleep soon. My body is tired, my mind just isn't. I can't escape the sad. It is weird how depression can either keep you up till the sun comes over the mountain, or, make you sleep your days away. It is funny like that. I don't find myself in depressive "downs" (that's what I call them) very often. I am lucky, really. But those few days, or weeks, can be so painful and dark. I often think it will just go away. POOF! There went my mental struggles. It isn't going anywhere. It really isn't. I should deal. I have written down the feelings that I feel just to get them out and try to deal from there. They aren't happy feelings. Lifeless. Hopeless. Worthless. These are always the three that come. Depression is downward spiral into a dark place. I am blessed. I really am. I know this. I have so many talents and gifts to be thankful for and develop. My Father in Heaven loves me. That, my friends, is all I can...

I still find myself in this "I'm not really sure about this" state of mind after watching Missrepresentation. Half of me is ready to go on this crusade, and let the world know. The other half of me is like - well whatever, I'll just make sure I don't think like that anymore. Fortunately, for me and others, we have such a powerful resources in finding truth. I am on a personal quest, to find truth in the jumble of information going around in my head. There have been very few times in my life where my personal thinking has been challenged to such an extent.  I also feel that there is a very specific dilemma added to LDS women. I am not the only one who has had these thoughts and concerns? Why am I getting a degree? What are my motivations? If these have never been questions in your mind girls... Ask them. Challenge your motivations. Make sure you are doing what you want to do. I am in no way becoming a fanatical feminist. I am not promoting that every women sh...